Today while battling Brandon going to a new class in primary (we are trying out the Rainer Ward finally) I got a text from my friend Malissa saying that her mom passed away from what they think was a pulmonary embolism. Malissa and I have become quite close this past year and our kids are in the same classes. My heart breaks and mourns for her loss especially when something so unexpected happens. I'm so grateful for my family and the plan of salvation. It brings me so much peace to think where my family members are that have already left this mortal life and where I will hopefully be with them again someday. I can't imagine not having that knowledge. It's been a rough week for me personally as I struggle with events that are happening in my life. I hold it together pretty good I think-I have to. Once the kids are asleep and it's quite I can't promise you that I hold it together but I'm trying. I know life is a test and we are here to prove our worthiness and our dedication. I hope my kids know how much I am trying for them. How much I cry and pray for them. Most days I feel like the meanest mom in the world that can't do anything right but I still try. I try to remember that line that says, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it". As I deal with my own inadequacies I hope I never forget that someday it will all be worth it.
I am strong. I am courageous. I can & I will.
Some days are harsh. They are reminders of days past that strike a chord. they are dark, deep pits of unfriendly brokenness. difficult, choking reminders of decisions, actions, abusive words and changes that altered the life course.
These days are fleeting. being replaced by joy, wholeness, contentment, miracles, stories of truth & memories that smile.
I look ahead.
I am better right where I am than I was 1 year ago. far better than where I was 2 years ago. I see progress, hope, potential. I feel happiness & joy.
2 comments:
Derrinda -- you're doing better than you think you are. I know things are difficult -- sometimes extremely difficult -- for you right now. But you are doing the best you can and you are trying! Elder Holland said that trying counts. Remember that.
Like I always tell Juliet -- when your kids tell you you are the meanest mom in the world, that means you're doing a good job. :-) Meanest mom in the world = mother of the year. :-)
I wish circumstances were different but we all have to navigate our way through life the best we can. Keep trying and never give up! You're doing great.
Love,
Tammy
I just saw this post today for the first time. I'm so sorry for the struggles life has presented. I also thought about the quote from Elder Holland at last General Conference when he said we get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed. We get credit for trying. You are doing great things. Things will continue to improve, and although sometimes we can't see the end in sight, if we just keep plugging along and doing our best, one day it will all be worth it. I thought of that when I was in the temple this last weekend and had the overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness as I felt surrounded by loved ones in the celestial room and how incredible it will be some day when we are done with our mortal test.
Hang in there. We love you and the boys. Keep moving forward with faith and listen to talks by Pres. Hinckley and Elder Holland whenever you feel like your days are extra tough. :) They always help me to feel hopeful and happy. :)
Post a Comment